come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
