If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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