just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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