did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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