Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
