You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
this will be a night to untag.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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