did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize