was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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