Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
