we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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