marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
