just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize