He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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