So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
