I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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