I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
