i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
