it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
