Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
