Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
