is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
