I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
