My first STD was from a foam party
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
