It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
