my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
