Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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