How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
