Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
