I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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