Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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