The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
