I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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