If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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