But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He better not be in your backpack
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
