My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
