eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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