I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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