my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
