who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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