I didn't shave. On purpose
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
