Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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