I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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