i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
