worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize