i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
