i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
