John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
