Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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