I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
