Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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