the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
