I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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