when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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