At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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