Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
