Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
