I'm eating all of the evidence.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
