Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Randomize
