bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she smelled like a LAN party
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize