saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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