She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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