i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
