brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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