Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
