nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize