This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
