Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
