apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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