I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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