so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
