I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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