that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize