I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize