her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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