yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
