Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
