i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I need water and some morals
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
