Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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