I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
