Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize